Something on the Side

Since becoming single I've been more open to engaging with people in whatever way makes sense. Before I was controlled by Jason. I interacted normally with others on a day to day basis, but anything sexual or romantic had to at least be OK'd through him, and was usually prohibited unless he had arranged it.

I'll be a bit honest here, there were a couple of times that I engaged in sexual or romantic activity without his permission. Yeah. This was always with women. I'm bisexual, and frankly women hold a stronger romantic pull for me than men. Men are better in dominating me and giving me what I crave in the BDSM arena; women are what I want to sleep with and cuddle with.

With the loss of Jason's complete control I've suddenly been more open about playing with others in many different capacities. It started with Estelle (the hotel maid) who cooperated with me a bit on my self bondage. It has expanded to encompass more activities and persons. One such person has been Seth.

My connection with Seth started out very vanilla but we both rapidly became aware of how our interests were similar. That is, he was experienced in dominating and, well, torturing women. I am experienced in being tied up and hurt. The result? Me, tied up and punished in uncomfortable ways. I like him because he listens to me and understands me. We've not had much in the way of sessions, but enough for me to see I can trust him.

That said, it's a bit scary because he sometimes listens and understands me... LOL... as in he hears what my fears are and just loves to pull them out and use them on me. Bastard. ("Let's tip this table down under your head, raise your feet. See if you can withstand a bit of waterboarding..."  fuck...).

Anyway, getting to the episode I am writing about. I had been a bit of a brat during a session with him and mouthed off; teasing him. (It may not come across in these postings, but I am actually a bit of a bitch. Then again... maybe it does.)

I then actually suggested a potential punishment to him. "You should make me type you an apology on a computer keyboard with my nose." (It was a joke, but those are risky around this particular guy).

Stupid me. He listened and took me up on my offer. He was traveling on business when sent me the challenge.

"Very well. Except I expect a little more. You must type the apology. Your mouth must be gagged with your panties while you type. Urine soaked panties."

"What..." I was a bit at a loss. He had taken my idea which actually would have been pretty simple and turned it into a real punishment.

"Cuff your hands behind your back, to prevent any inadvertent cheating. Make sure you are completely naked while doing your penance. Oh, and to make it a bit easier, you may insert a pencil or stylus into your mouth for the typing."

That was the challenge. I wasn't sure I was going to do it. We might not get together for a session for a while, he might just let it blow over. Or take it out of my hide later.

What made me decide was being depressed. Things in my life were just shitty. I felt alone, rejected, empty, heart broken. Not just by Jason but from some attempted advances with some girls that were not working out.

So, rather than sit at home depressed I decided to perform the task. I will leave it to others such as yourself to judge whether my craving for bondage and domination is a broader attempt to cope with burdensome depression.

I came home a bit late, I had spent some time at a friends. Coming home I was reminded of this task. I decided to do it. I needed something to focus on besides fucking heartbreak.

So I stripped down to my panties, massaged myself between my legs for a bit (on top of the panties) to get myself ready, and then went into the toilet. I straddled a bit, then let loose while still wearing the panties. Once they were wet, I removed them, and finished peeing.

Taking the panties in two fingers (as if not getting urine on my fingers was meaningful, given I was about to stuff them into my mouth), I stepped into the main bathroom area in front of the mirror.

I must admit there were small parts of the panties that were dry, and I tried to roll them up in a way that exposed the dry spots to the outside, the urine parts on the inside. Staring into the mirror I saw my naked form holding panties that looked wet. I considered myself. I was sexy, I supposed.

Watching myself in the mirror I opened my mouth wide and inserted the panties into my mouth. They didn't go in cleanly, they never do. To get panties into the mouth you have to push it in bit by bit, stuffing and compressing as you go. That destroyed any attempt I made to put the urine soaked part on the inside.

Basically once I had the panties in the urine was seeping out and covering the inside of my mouth and I could taste it as if I was drinking it. Except if you drink urine it passes into your stomach and that's it. Urine soaked panties just sort of... lay there... spreading the taste and disgustingness around... continuously. My cheeks bulged like a chipmunk as I watched myself in the mirror.

I had prepared a pencil before but observed (the the panties in my mouth slowly seeping urine) that it was sharp on the end I planned to put into my mouth. I broke it in half, which was OK, as it made it a bit shorter and more stable.

I shoved it into my mouth, which caused a problem because the panties were there. The thing needed to be far enough inside to not fall out or wobble too much. And I was already beginning to regret my decision to actually perform this task.

So... I pulled the panties out, Wrapped the pencil sort of in the middle, then repacked my panties in my mouth, trying to get it just right with the pencil already in the wad. Took a little effort, but worked. And the urine continued to seep. Just... gross.

Then there was the problem of the tape. It's easy to duct tape one's mouth. But when you have a pencil hanging out of it... well, it is a bit problematic. It took more than just one strip of tape, in fact it took about 10. One thing about duct-taping one's mouth but short strips just extending to the side of the mouth or cheeks don't always cut it. Movement of the jaw and cheek flesh can loosen the tape and it is no longer secure. So ... had to wrap it around the back of my head at least once, in this case twice, once above and once below the pencil.

The whole process took a lot longer than I had thought. When I was done I surveyed myself in the mirror, a naked brunette with really nice hair cascading over her soft shoulders to round, seductive breasts, tightly gagged with duct tape, cheeks bulging and looking annoyed.

With my urine seeping into my throat so that I could not only taste it I could smell it, I moved to the bedroom.

My laptop went on the bed, open, and I logged in and brought up email. Opened a new email. All ready to go I took a set of standard cuffs I keep in a bedside drawer (always ready, aren't I?) and cuffed my wrists behind my back. The key was on the bedside stand along with a collection of other junk (dildo, glass butt plug, a detective novel, worn copy of the necronomicon, a flashlight, one nipple clamp (where's the other one?), alarm clock, bible, back scratcher, ok... I have an incredibly messy bedside table).

I knelt on the floor next to the bed, leaned over to the keyboard. The bottom of my breasts brushed the sheets lightly. I was aroused but couldn't do anything about it, my wrists were cuffed behind.

Typing began.

I apologize for being rude and will do better in the future. I exist only for your pleasure.

It went so damn slowly. I immediately realized I wasn't going to be capitalizing. I wondered if he would accept it without capitalization, but decided instantly it didn't matter, I wasn't going to be pushing caps lock over and over.

apologize for being rude and will do better in the future i exist only for your pleasure

At first I really tried to get spelling right. The rubber eraser end of the pencil slipped if I pushed too hard and pressed the key next to it, so I had to keep the angle just right and not push too hard.  Turned out this was an unexpected strain on the neck. I had to take breaks to keep my neck from cramping.

apologizeri for being rude and will do better in the future ui exist only forour pleasure

I had also not tied my hair into a pony before hand, a big mistake. It hung down during the entire operation and began to become annoying. I considered unlocking my cuffs and putting my hair back, but then decided it would be a violation of the spirit of the punishment, if not the letter. Punishment is nothing if not uncomfortable, you know?

iapologize for beinrude and well do better n the future i e exist only for your pleasriw

Like I said, it took forever. I think perhaps two hours to do all that I did. My knees started hurting from kneeling, and my back ached as well as my neck. All unexpected side effects. Cloth gags like panties soak up saliva so in spite of the urine in my mouth it felt dry in there, and it seemed like my entire bedroom smelled of urine because no matter were I went I smelled it.

Frustration levels peaked. Two hours on my knees, breathing and tasting urine, typing the same thing over and over again with a pencil, hands cuffed and unable to masturbate... it got to me. I had lost count and finally decided (and typed):

fuckit

I unlocked the cuffs, ripped the tape off and pulled the panties out. *WHEW*. I typed his email address in the email (with my fingers) and sent it.

He was going to whip my ass later for poor quality and frankly that was fine.

I rinsed my mouth a dozen times, gargled, and went to bed. I masturbated in bed, laying on my back, legs spread wide, eyes closed. My preferred method of masturbation is with fingers, primarily my left hand (even though I am right handed). Sometimes I will apply nipple clamps while masturbating (thus the bedside clamp).

All in all the exercise worked. From the moment I sat on the toilet and peed in my panties, to the point I drifted off to a satisfied sleep with the relaxation of a very nice orgasm, I forgot my personal problems and personal heartache. It came back the next day and I felt like crying, but at least that night I was miserable for different reasons (ones I sort of enjoyed).