Shared and Used

Something bad is happening and I don't understand it. I've tried to deal with it, push it aside, accept and be a good submissive, but it has remained in the back of my mind and won't go away.

I like my limits pushed. In fact, I entered into my marriage and slave relationship with Jason with the understanding that there would be no limits. That he was my owner and I was his property. (Yes, there is a safe word that I have never used).

It was the most exciting step I had ever taken in my life, born out of love for him and the passionate desire to explore my craving for bondage, subservience, and pain. Being a Slave Bride was core to my being, and it has been the most fulfilling, exciting, erotic, satisfying experience I could imagine.

In all the things Jason has done to me over the years, I submitted and have been happy to. He has hurt me, made me suffer, kept me tied and immobile for hours at a time, whipped me, shocked me, forced me to work as a pony girl in front of others. I haven't been happy about all of this but accepted it all because it is part of my submission to him and that is important to me.

I want to be owned and used by him, regardless of whether I like it or not. In fact, if he only did things I liked, it wouldn't be true submission, would it?

Something has made me quite upset recently though, and I am having trouble processing it.

Jason's been suspending me a lot recently, some of it in very stressful positions. Yeah, it's been painful and has even resulted in a pulled muscle or just some longer recovery periods. I don't mind this, in fact it can be a core part of what is exciting about his bondage. Suspension makes me feel incredibly vulnerable and helpless, which is what I crave down deep. Not knowing how far it will go, how much pain I will endure, it all just makes the whole experience more exciting.

And it has reinforced my complete submission and slavery to him.

The first real, solid hint of what I was feeling was wrong and what was coming happened last Thursday, a week ago.

Jason had placed me in a very stressful suspension position. It happened in the playroom.

It was after dinner, about 7:30 PM. "OK, Siobhan. Go to the playroom and lay down on your stomach and wait for me there."

"Yes, sir."

I went there. I was already naked, having stripped as soon as I come home. We are currently in a phase were I am not allowed clothes inside the house, except for my collar and perhaps wrist and ankle cuffs. There was a mat laying on the floor underneath two of the hooks he had installed for suspension, so I knew what was coming. My heart was beating faster, anticipating the possibility of being hung from the ceiling and experiencing some stress and perhaps pain.

After about 10 minutes I heard the doorbell ring and someone came in. The playroom is soundproof so I can scream without disturbing the neighbors, but I had left the door open. Jason greeted someone and the two of them came into the playroom. It was his friend Mark.

Jason's done this a couple of times before-- had male friends of his observe me while tied and submissive. It's humiliating, which... well, I guess is exciting for me. I like being humiliated because it increases my feeling of helplessness.

"Arms behind your back, Siobhan," Jason ordered as he entered the room with Mark.

I obeyed, turning my head away so I didn't have to see Mark observing me. My hands went behind my back, wrists crossed.

Jason used rope to tie my wrists together tightly, then slipped the trailing end up around my neck and pulled up. This raised my wrists up to the small of my back and maybe a bit higher. Not uncomfortable, but it's a tie that keeps my hands away from my ass so it can be whipped. It was his typical secure job-- there was no way I would get out of the tie.

Jason rolled me over onto my back with my wrists underneath me. Another length of rope went around. Mark was standing by watching with fascination. He had never seen me naked before, though he was aware of my special slave status. I turned my head the other way.

The next stage of the bondage; Jason slipped another rope around my neck. It was worrisome feeling two loops of rope around my neck. I've been choked a number of times, even hung briefly, so it isn't unfamiliar to me but it can be scary.

The rope around my neck was looped around my knees, and cinched tight. This brought my knees up toward my neck, bending my body. My breasts pushed against my thighs and Mark moved around to observe my now very exposed pussy and ass.

I was kind of scared, a feeling I am not unfamiliar with but it is still... scary. The rope around my knees went around several times, with perhaps four or five loops tied back around my neck. The loop around my neck was just to keep my body in the folded position, the real strength and foundation of the tie was on the knees.

The doorbell rang again.

"Would you get that, Mark? Bring them in here."

"What?" I said. I was not gagged-- yet. "Who is coming? Jason?"

He ignored me.

A heavy cable with a hook at the end was threaded through a small pulley in the ceiling above me. It had been there for a while. Jason brought the hook down and placed it under the ropes that went around my knees. That was where the suspension would be.

Mark brought in two other guys; friends of Jason that I knew only slightly. One was named Patrick, the other I didn't know his name. I was in the process of being raised into the air as they entered, and Jason greeted them. It was clear this had been arranged. They had been invited over to observe me being bound and disciplined.

The position was weird, but not terribly uncomfortable, not like some of the previous suspensions. Mostly... it was designed to immobilize me and expose my genitals in a very convenient way. My head had no support and so if I didn't hold it up it flopped back to look at the ceiling.

Jason spun me around a couple of times, making me dizzy.

"Oh... fuck..." I moaned. Disorienting me like that was a terrible feeling.

"She doesn't like that," said the guy that I didn't know.

"Oh, she gets off on it," Jason said. "Touch her."

Patrick reached out and slid his fingers over my pussy. I said nothing, though it was distressing to have some guy touch me.

Jason was undoing his pants. I was hanging so my cunt was at waist height, and I realized why now. Easy access. The position was getting uncomfortable, though not painful. This is typical in suspension or any tight tie. Jason took hold of my hips and straightened my body out, positioning it. He then slid his cock in. I was dry and it hurt a bit, he gets really hard and can shove himself into me any time he wants, lube or not.

I gasped and he started fucking me, driving in and out. It was totally weird to be hanging there, three of his friends watching him fuck me. I didn't like it, I felt embarrassed, exposed and humiliated. But that's what I like, right? It gets me off, as he said.

Well, he fucked me good and hard. I didn't orgasm from it, I think having his friends watch made me too self conscious. It didn't feel good. He did cum inside me, and a couple of the guys sort of cheered when he did.

"Anyone else?" Said Jason.

"What?" I said, my eyes opening wide. "Jason..."

"I want to. Is it OK?" Mark said. I knew Mark. I had never been in a sexual position with him, though.

I have to explain something here. My being a slave to Jason has involved play with others. It's mutual play, where we have paired up with another couple and essentially played with them. Our neighbors, Erin and Jack, are in a D/s relationship and Jason actually had me stay with them for a weekend while he was out of town, and Erin disciplined and tormented me. It was a lot of fun.

We've also had a sort of swinging / wife swapping thing going on with the couple across the street, who are not into BDSM but they have toyed with things and enjoyed playing with us a bit.

What was going on here was a little different. I was hanging immobile, and he had invited his friends over to observe me being tormented and fucked. That was... different. Not quite the same as engaging with mutual friends in a play environment. But I didn't understand how it was different. It was just a real surprise to me when Jason told Mark he could fuck me.

And he did. His cock is big, bigger than Jason's, but I had Jason's cum inside me and it lubed me well. Mark stripped his pants off, and he was hard, of course. He grabbed my hips and pushed that wide cock into me, stretching me. It felt really different. I've had sex with dozens of men in my life, but since marrying and enslaving myself, only... well, probably only one other than Jason and that was Steve from across the street. That was during a mutual wife swap thing that was agreed to and expected by me.

So when Mark shoved in, it was the first new and unexpected cock I had inside me for some time. I bounced around in my suspension as he thrust, it was a bit painful. I grunted and moaned, my head fell back, my neck tired from holding it up. He took his sweet time thrusting deep inside me, he even grabbed my ass cheeks and spread them, wide, and started probing my anus with his fingers.

He finally dumped his load in me, and withdrew.

"She is fantastic," he told Jason.

"I know, right?" Jason said, grinning.

"Jason..." I said. "Please... can I come down?"

"Anyone else?" Jason said, offering me to his friend Patrick and the other guy who's name I didn't know.

Patrick declined, embarrassed I think. He probably had never had sex with a woman in front of other guys before. But the guy I didn't know, a tall thin dark guy that looked like an Italian, stepped up and pulled out his cock.

My eyes were staring at Jason, and I begged. "Please... Jason... can you please let me down? Don't make me do this..."

He ignored me. In fact, he spread my pussy lips for this guy to enter me. I stopped begging because it was clear it wouldn't do any good and I hung there and let this guy rape me.

I didn't let him. There really was nothing I could do about it. I was simply being fucked by a guy I didn't know with the permission of my husband and owner.

"She's fucking slippery," the guy said as he was shoving in and out.

"She's got two loads in her. You want to use her ass instead?" Jason said.

I flushed, my head flopped back and I bit my lip as my body bounced back and forth in the suspension. The guy was grunting as he was pushing, and doing it really hard and fast.

He was breathing hard, gasping and managed to get out, "No... no... too close... fuck..."

A minute later he came.

Semen was dribbling down into my anus from my cunt and I felt wet all around that area. In fact you could hear the sloppy slapping from this last guy as he pounded into me.

I really did feel like a complete piece of meat.

"Fuck man, that was good, thank you Jason. I hope she doesn't get too mad at you." The guy was using a paper towel to clean himself. We keep a roll in the play room to clean up body fluids that spill, which is fairly common. I drool like a water fountain when gagged and we've had everything from shit, urine and blood to semen over the floor and on me and him.

I hung silently, listening to Jason and his friends talking about my body, my cunt, how good a fuck I was. I was slowly rotating back and forth while they cleaned up and put their pants back on and finally left the room.

Of course, I just stayed there, slowly swinging back and forth. As with most bondage and suspension positions it had gotten stressful over time and I was hoping Jason would come let me down soon.

It was about an hour later he came in and let me down.

"You made me proud Siobhan. My friends really enjoyed you."

"Jason, didn't you hear me pleading with you? Letting some of your random friends fuck me is just... not... I didn't like it."

"Well, you don't like to do a lot of the things I like. That's your role, to suffer for me and do as I say. If I want to share you, then that's what will happen."

"But Jason, really. I am yours. I am not their's. The whole point is that... I am owned by you. You can do anything you want to me. But when you let others do things to me, especially fuck me... it just doesn't feel right."

Jason frowned at me. "Do I need to discipline you? Perhaps a night hanging upside down would teach you some obedience."

"Jason, there is no need to punish me. I just... this doesn't feel right and it... hurt me inside. Not on the outside, but inside."

"Siobhan, you need an attitude adjustment."

"What? No! Please, no Jason, please don't punish me. I am just talking to you. Expressing my feelings. I obeyed, they fucked me, there is no need to punish me."

He was already kneeling before me, tying my ankles together.

"Please Jason. Please don't punish me! Please, sir. I will be good. You can let anyone fuck me any time. Oh, god, no, don't punish me!"

"You had better sit down, or you will end up falling over when I pull up on this rope," he said. My ankles were tied and secured to a rope that went to the pulley overhead.

"Sir, please, I have done nothing! My attitude will change, please sir... please.. make me eat your shit, or drink urine... or... anything... just don't leave me upside down overnight!"

I was saying this as I sat down, because I really did not want my legs pulled out from under me.

My ankles went up into the air, my legs lifting up. I continued to beg as he pulled me higher, my ass rising up.

"Oh god, no, please..." I was crying.

"Dear, this is just something you need that will help you in the long run. Some discipline now, and you will be more compliant in the future," Jason said as my waist went up and my shoulders slid across the mat.

I stopped begging, knowing it would do no good and he might just get angrier.

My head left the ground and I was upside down.

It isn't the first time I had been upside down in my life, its happened a number of times, as a matter of fact. It can be a scary experience if you aren't prepared for it, and it certainly is not something that I can take for long periods of time. The blood floods to your head, you get dizzy and disoriented, and while it isn't necessarily painful (except for the inevitable headache), it can be extremely uncomfortable.

Jason pushed me and let me swing back and forth a couple of times before leaving the room. I was alone, suspended upside down and suffering for my disobedient and negative attitude. I would learn. This was part of my training to be a complete submissive.

I was nothing but meat hanging in the back storeroom of a meat shop. Something to be used.

He didn't leave me up all night. He took me down after an hour or so, very close to bedtime. My head was pounding and the headache lasted through to the next day. I went to work, but was pretty grumpy to the people who work for me.

I've been thinking a lot about what happened. I gave myself to Jason. I am owned by him. If he wants to let others touch me, in any way he wishes, I need to adjust my attitude and be accepting. I gave up my free will to him.

It's just... hard. Really hard.