Estelle Again

The next day I was in a better mood.

It soured some when I got notice from an attorney representing Jason in the divorce case. He had moved quickly to get representation. I was going to have to do the same.

I make more money than Jason at my job. I'm a director at a corporate IT department, and have about ten people working for me. When Jason and I got married I signed a prenuptial agreement which was restrictive, essentially a slave contract. It turned everything over to Jason, and gave him control over all assets. The only assets I had were those he had given me, and that wasn't much.

Luckily, I got a paycheck fairly soon and the cash from that got me back on my feet. But I needed an attorney, I needed to see if I could get something out of the mutual property. The slave contract I had signed was carefully crafted to be completely legal, but could still be challenged I was sure. Anything can be challenged.

Don't get me wrong-- I didn't resent that Jason had all the assets. It was part of the deal I signed up for. As a slave, I had nothing except what he allowed me. Even my job was something he allowed me to have, simply to I could serve him by bringing in money. I was sure glad I had the job now, though.

I was in a better mood because of my self-bondage session the night before. It had made me realize my life wasn't over. I had lived without Jason before, and I would again. I didn't especially want to; I really wanted for Jason to take me back. That just didn't seem like a possibility right then.

So I was immediately planning for a self bondage session that evening after work. Estelle was the room service maid who had done turndown service the night before, and had agreed to come by again that night. More or less. It meant I could really do some self bondage and this excited me the entire day. I was distracted in meetings and left work early.

One thing that had made me feel weird and naked was that Jason had removed my slave collar. It was a thin steel ring, light and classy, and could be worn anywhere without raising eyebrows. But, it needed a special tool to remove and Jason was the one with the tool. He had removed it that night and so for the first time in a number of years I wasn't wearing a collar around my neck. I really did feel naked without it.

I thought of getting a replacement, a slave collar of my own to replace it, but decided against it. The collar was a symbol of my slave status. If I was no longer an owned slave, I should not be wearing a collar. It was like wearing a wedding ring when I wasn't married. If I wanted a slave collar, I needed to find a master and owner to collar me.

These were just some of the issues I was dealing with in the week after the initial breakup. There was a lot going on, but I am stabilizing myself slowly but surely. A big part of that stabilization was getting back into some bondage and feeling normal again. Even if it was self-bondage.

For the second self bondage session, I decided to try something I had seen someone else do. It was actually quite a simple tie, but would render me completely helpless in a rather convoluted way-- something that made me wet just thinking about. The only hard part was that it required creating some very specific ties using pre-cut lengths of rope.

For this, I went by Home Depot again, and got new rope, duct tape, and a cutter. I had ordered some self bondage equipment over the internet including various types of cuffs, timers, clamps, straps, harnesses... over $500 worth of stuff. It costs to get quality, but is worth it. But for now, the rope would do as long as I prepared it carefully.

I actually took off from work early, at 3:00. The prospect of once again getting into some bondage and being truly helpless was exciting me and I was distracted during the day. In fact, I was even wet during the day. I know, I checked. I wanted to go to the women's room and masturbate but made myself wait. I wanted to be totally aroused and frustrated when in bondage.

(One thing about the bondage items I ordered was that it would make it easier to add dildos or vibrators to the experience. Rope bondage made it difficult to arrange self stimulation during the restraint.)

Back in the hotel by 4:00, I first stripped to completely naked. I set about measuring and cutting the various lengths of rope, which has to be done while naked-- the presence of clothes can completely alter the length measurements. I added a couple of rope strips over the sample I had seen to make things more secure and restrictive, but in the end there were five lengths of rope.

The one dangerous part of this was that it involved a loop around my neck. Basic principle of self bondage: nothing around the neck, ever. I was violating this principle, but I had confidence I could tie the loop so it would not get tighter. No slip knots and the pull on the neck would be limited. Uncomfortable (that's the point) but not painful or dangerous.

Pain. I wanted some pain. That was going to be tougher, pain is usually your body telling you something is injuring it, or about to be injured. There are ways to produce pain without actually injuring, but it's a fine line. For men, the best place is the testicles, For women... it's the nipples. They are sensitive and can produce a spike of pain before any real damage is done.

Once again I had failed to prepare properly. I looked around for something to invoke a little pain while bound. My boobs are large enough to be bound, but boob bondage by itself doesn't cause a lot of pain. A crotch rope? Not really, not unless combined with something. Capsaicin or something really nasty like that (applied properly it will make me sob in pain). Nope.

Just the one classic item, available in most homes and in the better hotels. Skirt or pants hangers with clips. My hotel had some. Hmmmm.

I pulled a hanger out and felt them. The clamps for the skirt were stiff. I flexed them a bit, trying to loosen them, then tentatively put one on one nipple. And yelped and took it off. Yep. Pain. Perfect. But I didn't want to do permanent damage. The clamp would cause pain, probably the right amount (which for me is a lot). But I was going to be tied up until, what.... 8pm or 9pm maybe. It was 4:45, and that might mean clamps on my nips for up to four hours. That could do damage.

I decided to wear the clamps while binding myself and then remove them just before securing my wrist. I flexed the clamps a bit more to loosen them, put one on my right nipple (ohmygod it hurt...) and then on my left nipple (ohmygod it hurt even more...), winced and looked at my naked boobs and tits clamped in the full length room mirror, bent over and wheezed from the pain, then turned to begin tying myself up.

I was ready. I decided to do the bondage on the bed. It was a king size and had plenty of room.

Everything was measured, and I looped a few items, creating the rope that would bind me. One aspect of self bondage with rope is to plan out and prepare the slip knots, loops and the like. It never works to sit trying to wrap rope around your body as you slowly tie yourself up. Some things, yes. But not the items that really need to be secure and reliable, like neck, shoulder or wrist bindings.

First to put on was a strip of rope that went around my neck. Not safe as a self bondage technique, but I had used this a number of times before and had faith I knew how. Tied to that was a strand of rope that hung down on my back, about halfway. At the end of that was a cinch loop.

The gag was easy. Similar to the night before. My panties, stuffed in my mouth. The duct tape went over my mouth, sealing in the panties. Duct tape can be rubbed off pretty easily so I wrapped it around the back of my head. That in turn wrapped around my hair (which is down to my shoulders and brown), then back to the front and around again, three or four times. When I was done, there was no way that gag was coming off.

My nipples were throbbing. The pain was bad (good).

Then came a crotch rope. Crotch ropes can be used for a bunch of things, including as an anchor for other ties such as wrists, or for keeping insertions such as dildos in, or for simple discomfort (if done tightly or with extra knots, that kind of thing). In this case I inserted a butt plug, but even large ones can come out when I struggle so the crotch rope would help keep it in. I also pulled it pretty tight so the ropes dug deep into my slit and ran right over my clit.

I was already feeling the thrill of being tied. My nipples hurt badly, my mouth was gagged tightly, and the crotch rope felt nice.

Next... a set of ropes in loops of a specific size. I slipped one up each of my legs to my thighs, just above the knee. They weren't super tight, and had a bit of slack-- this was intentional.

Now came the final move. In self bondage you can tie yourself up as much as you want, but until you fasten those wrists, you are not helpless. The last step is always securing the wrists.

For this I slipped my right arm through the loop of rope that was on my thigh. There was enough slack for this, though not a lot.The other arm slipped through the loop on the left. At this point I could have slipped back out, but I moved my arms to behind my back. This forced my legs apart and twisted the loops around my thighs quite tight.

My wrists went behind my back and found the loop hanging down from the neck loop. It was a struggle, but I managed to get my wrists inside, one at a time. A good pull to cinch the loop tight and... bam. My wrists were tied behind my back, pulled up to the neck loop. My arms were tied to my legs, pulling them apart. I was tied and helpless.

Damn it felt good.

I wriggled a bit, feeling how secure the tie was. Having my legs pulled apart was a bit humiliating, which was the point. I was bent over against my thighs, as well, forced by the thigh loops around my arms.

As I wriggled I felt the nipple clamps hurt even worse.

Oh... I had forgotten to remove the clamps... I closed my eyes and felt the intense pain in my nipples, burning. FUck.  Fuckity fuck fuck. I tried saying "Fuckity fuck fuck", but all that came out was a very soft "mmmmmmmnnnmmmm". The gag was doing it's job nicely.

OK. I could get them off. I wriggled legs around. They were held apart by my arms. Fuck. I could not get them close enough to get the damn clamps off. Oh god... once I realized I was completely helpless to remove the clamps, the pain got significantly worse. Like... fffuuuccckkkk....

God that made me wet. I wish I had some way to get a vibrator into my crotch rope instead of that butt plug. Jason had my only vibrator, I hadn't gotten it when I left. Bastard. I blamed him for this.

I continued working on it. Finally I tipped over so I was on my knees and my face was on pillows on the bed. But my arms tied to my legs kept them up and I couldn't get my breasts down against the sheets to rub them and rub off the clamps.

Well, I did succeed in getting close but the minimal rubbing action just hurt worse.

I spread my legs as wide as I could, knees pointing directly away from each other. Pushed my hips down, until my cunt was pressing against the sheets. I blessed Jason for implementing a flexibility training program for me some time before. At one time I would not have been able to do that. Now I could, and my breasts were finally on the bed, pressing, and I began moving them.

The clamps were too damn tight! I just succeeded in screaming into my gag with the agony. Looking at the clock... 6:00pm. I had up to three more hours. I did not want these clamps on that long!

I lay panting for a while. Tears were in my eyes.

I had been through more pain than this. A lot more. Jason had put me through more, I had ridden a wooden pony for hours, I had hung upside down with weights tied to my tits. I've had needles inserted under my fingernails.

It was the three hours that got me. I began rubbing again, harder, on the sheets trying to pull the clamps off. I didn't take pain for an answer, I just kept on. The right clamp shifted and moved so it was pinching just the very end of my nipple, which of course made it hurt ten times worse. I screamed into my gag again and rubbed it all the way off.

And screamed a bit more. The blood was rushing back into my poor smashed nipple. After a minute or two I started working on the other one.... and with similar pain and screams I managed to get that one off.

I lay there, moved my knees up just a bit to a more comfortable position and waited.

Clenching my ass around the butt plug I wished I had a vibrator. I was wet and ready to cum. I loved this. I was tied and there was nothing I could do about it until Estelle did her turndown service.

Yes, I know what you are thinking. "Estelle never came! Self bondage gone wrong!" Sorry to disappoint. Estelle came at about 8:30pm, entered the room and stopped, staring. I thought she knew what she was into, but apparently the sight of my ass up in the air, legs spread, and the butt plug sticking out, was enough to surprise and maybe shock her a bit.

"Miss, are you all right???" she said in a worried tone. I made muffled "mmmm" noises and she saw I was gagged.

Estelle is actually rather good looking. Younger than me, and nice dark hair. I found myself wishing she'd maybe pull out a dildo and make me cum. No such luck.

She fumbled with the gag for a bit and undid it. I spit out my panties and immediately said calmly, "Thank you Estelle. I am just fine, thank you. Thanks for making sure to come by. I'd be stuck without you."

"Miss, I worry about you. This not normal."

She started working on the ropes, which were hard to get undone. "There's a wire cutter over there," I said, indicating a table across the room.

She got it and made quick work of the ropes.

"I told my boyfriend, he say he wants you to come by, he can help tie you up. I told him no."

I smiled. Getting rid of the last strands of rope, I said, "That's kind of you Estelle, but I think I am OK for now. Though..."

I thought for a moment. "Perhaps you and I could engage in something a bit more... interesting that just the turn down service you have provided?"

Reaching out I took her hand in mine. She looked confused and slowly withdrew her hand. "Oh, miss... no... I am not... you know... lesbica."

I sighed. "All right. Well, can I count on you to come by and perform your turndown service tomorrow night?"

Estelle once again looked a bit uncomfortable. She wasn't looking at my naked body.

"Miss, my schedule, it is not for tomorrow. Maybe I work tomorrow, but it is not certain."

"Well that won't work," I laughed. "Don't want someone else barging in on what you just saw."

She shook her head vehemently. "No, Miss. Someone else might call the police."

I sighed. I was going to have to find some other way. Moving into an apartment and getting more supplies would help. And eventually, I needed a dominant. Or dominatrix. Someone that could do more than just self bondage.

"OK, Estelle. Well, listen. Call me if you change your mind."

I handed her my card, along with $100 cash tip for her services.

She looked with wide eyes and nodded. "Yes. Thank you... "

"Call me Siobhan."

"Thank you, Siobhan." She turned and left.

I ordered a late room service and ate naked watching TV.